What’s going on y’all? It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, but better late than never. I felt it was the perfect time for two reasons. 1. I just finished my “hurmwerk” (TJ’s voice) 2. There's a lot going on. As you guys all know based on my social media, my beautiful wife is pregnant with baby boy number 2! We are thankful for that. What you don’t know is that this last week has been stressful! It made me want to write about our experience and the strength of my queen.
Before we left California to head back east, Chanel had another doctor’s appointment. As any woman or man that’s been around pregnancy knows, you have to take a million tests. Everything seemed normal except the baby being a little bit smaller than he should be...but no red flags. A few days later we are back at our house in Baltimore when Chanel received a phone call from her doctor. I wasn’t really worried until I saw her facial expression and body language change. So I walked over to hear what she was talking about and I heard “1 in 25 chance of Trisomy." I just assumed she was talking about Down Syndrome and my response was, “Ok, cool." I was wrong. She was talking about Trisomy 18. I wasn’t familiar with it, so I began to Google it while she was explaining what it was all about. My heart dropped and my wife was in tears. I still had no worries because even though it’s high risk, I still viewed it as a 24-1 chance that he is fine.
The next day we were at the doctor’s office getting more tests done. We had the opportunity to get a new ultrasound and baby boy was moving and responding well to everything. I was excited. Then the doctor came back in and said a couple of things were abnormal and further testing needed to be done. After seeing what he saw, the odds increased to a 1-10 chance that our baby has Trisomy 18. The results wouldn’t be ready for another four days! For the first time I was actually nervous.
The first thing you do as a concerned parent is Google everything. I later found out that it makes things worse. You start to think you are a doctor, and it increases your anxiety and level of uncertainty with each click. I told my wife to stop looking up things. But any person who knows my wife on a personal level knows that she is a nervous wreck when it comes to stressful situations. She worries about EVERYTHING! She was struggling handling it all at first, but later on it all changed. I noticed this strength about her that I had only seen one time before; the same strength she displayed throughout TJ’s birth process. She proved that she could handle anything. Suddenly we were able to talk about what we would do with this situation knowing that her life, as well as the baby's, could be at risk. It was easily the hardest conversation I’ve ever been a part of. What do you do? Do you go forward knowing the outcome will be a miscarriage or death shortly after birth all while putting your life in danger? Or do you terminate the pregnancy? Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about abortions. I think that it should only happen in extreme situations...not because a couple was negligent in practicing safe sex.
Being in this situation has changed the way I view everything about it. I realized I have no right to suggest to her what she should do. I can talk about the pros and cons of each, or maybe even make suggestions, but I couldn’t pressure her one way or the other. When I realized that, it hurt me to the core. I feared that I could lose both of them. I also didn’t know how she could handle carrying a baby for months knowing what the ultimate outcome would be. Being selfish in that way made me think the only thing we could do is terminate the pregnancy. She still wasn’t sure and I would respect her decision either way.
Thankfully, we don’t have to make that decision because the results came back that he does not have Trisomy 18. It was the best phone call I/we have ever received. Although we could be happy for that moment, we know that he isn’t in the clear. There could be more issues. We are excited to know that our child has a shot at life and nothing else even matters. My wife is fearless waiting for the final test results. I never knew my admiration for her could grow any more than it did the day she gave birth to Torrey. My queen is the ____! She has been working hard trying to manage our charity basketball game, foundation, teaching little Torrey and working on her Master's degree. She is special!
We have been talking about what else it could be and have been preparing for whatever results lie ahead. I’m not worried about it a single bit! I always believed that it takes special parents to provide and show love to a kid with special needs. I’ve been around kids with “disabilities” my whole life and understand how special they really are. I can imagine TJ being the best big brother and taking up for his younger brother no matter what his challenges may be. I will teach Torrey that every person is unique just like him. I’m looking forward to grooming both of my young men.
Truth be told, we have no clue what’s going on with our child. It could be absolutely nothing. I do know that we are ready for whatever may come and my wife is leading the way. The prayer warriors have been working for us and we appreciate it. God wouldn’t put us in a situation that we couldn’t handle. We have been drawing strength from him and those around us. Now we are praying that our little fighter continues to grow and we can meet him. I’m praying for life, not for his health. A disability doesn’t make you unhealthy; it just means you may have different challenges. We all have challenges, and we are ready for ours that will soon come. Prayers Up for Kameron!